Self-Policing
There’s a lot of online discourse about self-help through self-reflection and identifying patterns in other people. “How to be a better communicator,” “5 signs you have bad friends,” “3 signs of a narcissist,” and so on. While it’s hard to deny the clear benefits of having access to information and terminology that once belonged only to those who could afford therapy or to professionals in the field, I’ve started noticing the unexpected downsides of this simplified, watered-down advice.
In these unprecedented times of political upheaval, gender division, cancel culture, and constant observation, I see how all this well-meaning content impacts younger people — especially those still in the earliest stages of questioning how they were raised, who they are, and where they belong — by pushing them to self-police far too much.
Mistakes aren’t allowed anymore. Every misstep is dissected and examined not only by others but also by ourselves. “Cringe” has become a sin you can’t escape, with your past preserved and resurfacing through “memories,” “Instagram highlights,” or even friends filming you in the moment. And God forbid you go viral, because that one moment will define you and follow you for the rest of your life. Comments like “You should have known better” and “Information is all around you, there’s no excuse” pressure people to perform sadness and regret, which then brings about more comments like “That’s fake” or “You’re not really sorry,” and so on.
This flood of self-help messaging is unintentionally creating the impression that a standard of perfection is achievable. Even in failure, you’re told you can’t stay down — you must immediately stand back up, because “thinking negatively will only manifest the worst for you… so like and comment below to ‘claim’ the good vibes I’m sending you through this screen.”
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I write as if I have thoughts on a solution or an alternative, but in reality I’m just another 26-year-old, fun-employed, starving artist, stuck between the rock of learning to be patient with my growth and the hard place of wanting to efficiently change by bypassing the 10+ years of actual human experience it will take to get me there.